


bad brother

by whimsyappletea



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Parenting, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brother/Sister Incest, Drama & Romance, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Romance, Sibling Incest, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6351514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsyappletea/pseuds/whimsyappletea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you really okay with leaving things as they are?”</p><p>—of critical retrospection and introspection, the intricate relationship between light and dark, and the significance of childhood make-believe. Lenrin; twins who love each other an awful lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((i realized halfway through uploading this that i accidentally skipped one fic before this story, but whATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT THAT /ollies to space ill upload that one next week -- ))
> 
> this is a companion fic to _Bad sister_ by **Piriluk (kagameme)** , but i wanted to keep _bad brother_ as a fic that can stand on its own, so i omitted any possible overlapping dialogue as much as possible yepyep. (also we're still figuring out how to connect the two stories on ao3, so theres that too)
> 
> twincest lenrin, some mild kaitomiku on the side, and a whole lot of hormones/steam. have fun wwww

.  
.  
.

It started with heat.

The girl’s skin was cool to touch in the chilly night air, and he had to tighten his grip on her shoulders to keep his hands from roaming. There was something stirring in his chest again, boiling, glowing, like he had a radiator in place of his heart, waiting to explode.

_Rin_ , the radiator beckoned, and the boy wanted to crush her closer, wanted to shove her aside. Wanted to continue even if he ran out of breath, simply because her mouth was warm, and so, sinfully sweet. _Rin, Rin, Rin—_

It invoked far greater reluctance and took far more effort than it should have to pull away.

When thoughts started registering again, shock made itself known, closely followed by disgust, because everything about that kiss had felt impossibly _good_ , and he actually wanted to do it again, and again, and again, do it at no matter what the cost.

But oh, god, what had he _done_?

“I,” he tried, stumbling away from Rin, who looked more than a little dazed from the impromptu make-out session. His _twin sister_ ’s lips were swollen from the kiss, _his_ kiss, and still he had trouble dragging his gaze away from them. “I just—”

“Len,” the girl started, and furiously he shook his head, his breathing growing heavier in his terror. No, he didn’t want to hear it, no, no, no. He knew he’d fucked up, he’d fucked up _royally_ , and—

“I’m sorry,” he blurted, even though inwardly he sneered at the blatant lie. “I’m sorry, I... I didn’t mean to—” Blindly Len backed off, fingers mussing his hair in agitation. He thought he had everything under control; he was _supposed_ to have everything under control!

“Len,” she called once more, her voice dipping to something firmer, lower—huskier, even. He felt her hand snag onto his shirt, giving him nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

The wolf had been cornered by his perfect princess.

With a sharp intake of breath, the boy screwed his eyes shut tightly. Dug his fingers into the sides of his pants, willing for the ground beneath him to swallow him whole.

.

**bad brother  
part I**

_my words get lost—  
can you read the look that’s on my face?  
wires get crossed in communion with the human race._

.

It’d started with a coincidence.

“I,” the pale-haired boy stuttered, delicate hands fluttering like birds. His voice was thin with a breath of hope. “Um, Rin, you’re really kind, and pretty, and cute, and sweet, a-and I’m rambling again, but—um. Um, I just... I _like_ you. A lot.

“Will you go out with me?”

Len hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, he really hadn’t. He’d just been passing through a shortcut to, ah, _actively ignore_ his language class when he stumbled upon _this_ scene. Honestly, he couldn’t tell which was worse: getting detention for actively ignoring first period, or watching the perfect princess receive a confession.

Pearly pink lips quirked up, revealing dimples on either sides. There was a gentle edge to them, and he knew immediately that she was trying to let that kid down easy.

“Piko,” the blonde murmured, dipping her head, short locks bobbing along with the movement. “Oh, Piko, I thank you for your feelings. But... I am very sorry, I cannot return them. Truly, I am.”

So formal, _sheesh_. Len had to resist the urge to snort to avoid getting noticed. It was just another person to add to her little black book, wasn’t he? Just another dumb boy who fell for the girl who had _everything_ going for her and faced no repercussions for _anything_.

Then again, it wasn’t the first time it’d happened, anyway.

_“What is wrong with you?”_

_“Why can’t you just be a good kid like your sister?!”_

Rin had long hair back then, he remembered. Shiny, long hair that bounced with every step she took—at least, until they were fourteen and she decided to chop it all off and dye it _black_ , of all things.

And even though she let her hair return to its usual cornsilk colour afterwards, that wasn’t even the worst of it over the years.

She skipped class. Went partying. Dated and broke up with guys like they were for free. Took drugs. Got utterly wasted. _Pierced her bellybutton and got a goddamn belly ring._

And now, two months in to their final year of high school, Rin suddenly decided to start _talking_ to him, like he was one of those giggly, nauseating friendsies she liked to hang around so much, like all those years that stretched the gap between them had never happened at all.

Len didn’t know what she was trying to prove. Did she have to rub it in that she could do anything she wanted and everyone would still love her, their parents most of all? That if he tried to do even _half_ the shit she did, he couldn’t even come _close_ to being as _perfect_ as her?

It was revolting, utterly so.

And yet, sometimes he found himself staring after her, trying to figure out what it was that attracted the school population; on the rare occasions that she wore crop tops to school, he realized he was straining to catch a glimpse of smooth skin and the glint of her piercing.

As he turned to stalk back into the school building, completely undetected, Len decided that _he_ was far more revolting.

.

It’d started with a question.

“Hey, guys,” Yuuma said, his voice muffled by his shirt. He was having some trouble taking it off, since he was all sweaty from the gym class that just ended. Seriously, the first term was ending already; they should’ve stopped physical education classes by now. “Don’t you think the girls have become—hm, I don’t know how to say this... _prettier_ , lately?”

“It’s the make-up,” one of the guys piped up instantly. “That shit’s voodoo, I swear. A little dab here, a bit of gloss there, and _BAM!_ Suddenly you have a hot babe walking down the halls.” His friends nodded in agreement.

Kaito frowned, halfway through buttoning up his uniform. “Really? I think they’re just growing up, you know? Like, Miku doesn’t wear a ton of make-up, but she still looks fine, right?”

“Ever ready to defend your goddess, huh,” Yuuma teased, and Kaito flushed a deep red, guilty as charged. “But yeah, man, you do have a point. Minimal make-up, talent, _and_ tits—what more could a man ask for?”

A deep, booming laughter from across the locker room attracted everyone’s attention then. “Such foolish men you all are,” Gakupo declared, clicking his tongue. “The size of a lady’s bosom should not matter when it comes to beauty. Do you not know that the shapely _legs_ are what truly make a woman—such as the ones on lovely Kagamine Rin?”

Yuuma snorted, but his cheeks were suspiciously pink under the florescent lights. Kaito was not the only one with a crush, so it seemed. “Yeah, she’s got a nice set of legs, but when will they ever _open_?”

All the boys ‘ooh’ed at that, but were abruptly cut off by a sharp clatter. When they turned to look, Len slammed shut the door to his locker and left with loud, heavy footsteps.

Silence, before:

“What’s up with _him_?” Yuuma asked no one in particular, and the rest just shrugged.

.

It’d started with curiosity.

Why did Kaito ever think it was a good idea to dump these kinds of magazines on him, Len would never know. The blue-haired boy did mean well most of the time, but—still.

“How does she even _bend_ like that...?”

Still.

The boy tilted his head, eyes flickering across the glossy page with the scantily-clad pin-up girl. Her position was off, and those hips _had_ to be the work of Photoshop. He didn’t understand how or why people found any of this _attractive_.

Space, at least, was a vast nothing that sucked you in, leaving you breathless in wonder at the numerous possibilities and lifeforms that were waiting to be discovered—not artificial beauty like this, where everything was plastic or the trick of technology, and no one gave a damn about you unless you looked too lovely to be real.

Len went through a couple of the magazines, considerably bored and cynical in his observations, until he reached one particular edition, and—stopped.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, brilliant smile. Delicate frame, not necessarily big in the chest department, legs that stretched out for miles before her.

He swallowed. Tried to ignore the burn he felt down there and move on, but—there were more of them where they came from. So far, none of the earlier pin-ups had really caught his eye: busty ones, brunettes, green-eyed, red-heads, hazel-eyed, blunettes, even _bustier_ ones...

Only the blondes—or, more specifically: short-haired, blue-eyed ones with small chests.

By the time he finished the _Blonde Babe Special_ magazine, Len couldn’t ignore the uncomfortable ache anymore.

He gave in.

.

It’d started with pain.

Len lost his balance and tumbled to the ground from getting nailed right in the nose, and while he was reeling from the punch, he still managed to drag his assailant down with him, feeling meanly satisfied at the sound of Yuuma’s body meeting the concrete with a sickening _crack_. To the side, most of the boys were cheering Yuuma on, whereas the remaining few were yelling for Len to be the badass underdog hero.

But Len wasn’t a hero—far from it.

“Guys,” Kaito pleaded, not a part of the cheering crowd and looking several shades paler than he usually was. His eyes darted between the two with what must’ve been deep worry, but Len wasn’t all too concerned about that at the moment. “Guys, don’t do this, we can work something out— _guys_ —!”

“Son of a _bitch_ ,” the pink-haired male spat, scrambling to his feet as fast as he could. Len zeroed in on the way he was rolling one shoulder carefully; that was definitely a sprain, if not a dislocation. “You’re really asking for it now, you little _shit_ —!” 

“I warned you,” was all Len said. He shouldn’t be blamed for this confrontation—not after enduring a whole month of quietly listening to Yuuma go on about how _pretty_ Rin was, how _lovely_ her legs were, and how much lovelier they _could_ be wrapped around him, with her moaning and screaming as he fucked her to such a high, she won’t be able to walk straight the next _morning_ —!

With an almost animalistic snarl, the blond used his smaller frame to his advantage: ducking from Yuuma’s attempt to swipe at him, he charged at the male, tackling him into the wall with all the force of an incoming truck.

_“If you continue to talk shit like that about my sister, I won’t go easy on you.”_

With the wind knocked out of him, the male could only splutter, and Len noticed the lack of strength in his shove. He wasn’t one for talking, but he hoped his expression encompassed it all: something very hard and very quiet, something that spoke the fury of a thousand demons scorned.

“Seriously, Kagamine,” Yuuma wheezed, trying to look like he wasn’t about to scream bloody murder from the pain surging up his spine. Len resisted a smirk. “What... the _hell_ is your problem? It’s just your twin sister. Your really _hot_ twin sister, but—c’mon, man, we were just playing. It’s not like, I dunno, you’re in _love_ with her, or something.”

Len’s face didn’t waver, but he froze. He froze, and Yuuma seized the opportunity for payback—with his good arm, he took another swing, his fist colliding harshly against the other boy’s jaw and splitting his lip upon impact.

“What is going _on_ here?” A shrill, familiar voice demanded above the din, and almost immediately the boys scattered, not wanting to be on the bad side of Hatsune Miku. Nearby, Kaito lingered, fiddling with his hands and looking about as red as a cherry tomato at his proximity with her.

The blond barely registered her appearance at first, spitting excess blood from his mouth and swiping carelessly at it with the back of his hand. He winced at the searing sensation, dabbing more gingerly after that.

“It was just—a friendly brawl,” Yuuma said, grinning as charmingly as he could with a black eye, one dislocated shoulder, and possible bruises running down his back, unseen. “Nothing serious enough to worry you, really.”

“That’s not the _point_ ,” Miku insisted, hands on her hips as she peered up at him from under long, curly eyelashes. Len tensed, suddenly all-too-aware that this was his sister’s friend—and a blabbermouth, at that. “You shouldn’t have been fighting in school in the first place! You’re lucky the teachers haven’t been alerted yet! Now, let me take you to the infirmary—come along, now, Yuuma, Le—eh?”

She blinked, realizing he was already gone. “How did...? Okay, then Yuuma—” She turned back to where the pink-haired male had been standing, but—he had vanished, too. Even Kaito looked faintly bewildered at how quickly they had disappeared.

Len wasn’t a hero—he was just a cowardly wolf that kept running away from the truth.

.

It’d started with that comment.

He sat down at the dining table quietly, prodding his fork at the contents of the curry Rin had left for him in the microwave. Usually the boy would’ve been perfectly fine with vacuuming up everything and heading back to his room with near robotic efficiency, but tonight his appetite escaped him somewhat.

_“It’s not like, I dunno, you’re in love with her, or something.”_

Love, huh. He’d seen couples around school but never really dwelled on the subject, especially since he was often very much wrapped up in improving himself, in building up knowledge and exam-smarts so that he could leave this godforsaken house as fast as possible. The few girls who had ever confessed to him—and were possibly delusional, considering they were confessing to _him_ of all people—were all turned down for the sake of that one goal.

Even if that goal never failed to bring to mind a certain blonde with soft eyes and a softer smile.

In hindsight, he really should’ve seen this coming, Len mused over a spoonful of carrots, chewing with purposeful slowness so as to not aggravate the wounds on his face. He was far calmer than he was earlier, now that he had privacy and time to think.

Rin had always been _there_. She was someone he looked up to and aspired to be, someone who faced the sun while he stood in her shadow. She was two a.m., you had to be better, three a.m., you had to work harder, four a.m., you weren’t good enough, five a.m.—

_“Why can’t you just be normal?!”_

And you’d never be.

But at the same time, his impulse to inflict destruction on an emotional level teetered between his resentment and his affection for Rin. Resentment because she was the pinnacle of perfection, the one everyone loved and glorified and made him sick to his bones, the one who made life look _so easy_ , come on, it was so fucking easy, _why weren’t you doing it perfectly like your wonderful sister?_

Affection because _she was his sister_ , the girl he treasured the most, the girl whose innocence burned as bright as her kindness and promised the world was theirs to keep, hurting you hurts me too, please, just stay lovely and safe and warm and beautiful and—

As far as Rin went, she was blood. She was blood, and sunshine, and the space between heartbeats.

He couldn’t hate her even if he tried.

So as sudden as the realization had been, was he in _love_ with Rin? The kind of love that you saw on huge silver screens, the kind that made your palms sweaty and knees wobbly, the kind that made you see stars behind your eyelids?

The curious thing about love, it seemed to him, was that it struck when you least expected it. It didn’t matter _who_ it was, or _why_ it happened; although humans sought tarot cards or scientific predictions for guidance, things like _fate_ and _future_ and _love_ were never in your hands, and you’d never truly find out what life had in store for you until the events finally occurred—even if it’d be too late by then.

No one knew where shooting stars would land, after all, if they ever did.

But still, Len was well-aware that he had been really close to her when he retrieved the first-aid kit just now. He was taller than her by a bit, but had he leaned in, just a little would do, their lips would’ve tou—

Absently, the boy licked his lips, stirring the last remnants of his curry. No, no, that wouldn’t do. He knew he had been caught staring at her previously, which was why he had to beat that hasty retreat back to his room. This was his own secret to keep; no need to drag her into it.

Yes, there was no need to drag his _twin sister_ into whatever kind of peculiar love he was harbouring for her, because even if _he_ was alright with this, that didn’t mean _she_ would be.

Len just had to keep things under control until he secured that scholarship—his one-way ticket out of this hellhole.

Should be easy enough.

.

It’d started with Kaito’s magazines.

Len had a feeling those would come back to bite him in the ass one day, and they really had.

He picked up the bundle of bedsheets at his feet, inhaling sharply as he did. Temporarily abandoning the sheets near his now locked room door, the blond began a thorough check of his things. Everything was in its proper place—even the scandalous magazines he’d stuffed haphazardly between the bed frame and the mattress.

Dammit, she really hadn’t touched anything after all, and he’d just effectively run her off in tears. Briefly he cursed himself and his hot-headedness, scratching at his hair in annoyance. He had been returning from flushing a wad of tissues down the toilet after a ‘session’ when he realized the girl was in his room.

_Rin_ was in his _room_.

Although, what _had_ he been so panicked about? Len frowned, pulling out the issues to keep them in a new hiding place. It wasn’t as if he had anything worthwhile in his room; he just had a lot of heavy hard-cover books on science fiction and mystery, along with seemingly random boxes of tissues placed in a neat row on his desk.

Had he been worried about the magazines? They were perfectly normal, he reasoned, deftly sliding the magazines, one by one, into a hollow compartment in his drawer. Almost all guys did that at some point of their lives. It was practically a boy’s call of nature, so to speak. Even if she did see them, there shouldn’t have been anything to be so _angry_ about, to run his mouth and let poison spill from his throat.

So that wasn’t it.

The boy paused as he held up one particular edition, well-worn from all the flipping, from the gasping and sudden flushes of pleasure, from the burn of guilt in his stomach that came after the high.

_“I’m sorry I exist, then.”_

Len’s eyes hardened, the pages crinkling under his grip.

No, those angry, painful words that he had thrown her way—they should’ve been directed at himself instead.

.

It’d started with a promise.

Now that his sister had successfully—or, more accurately: _very unfortunately_ —been deeply hurt by his callous monologue, she had backed off a lot. It was what he needed, but apparently not what his heart wanted, judging from the sharp twinge of pain that had slotted itself neatly between his ribs like a needle. The girl was reminiscent of a dog scurrying off with its tail between its legs whenever he so much as _glanced_ at her, looking stiff and terrified as she hurried away in another direction, away from him.

Great, since when did he _not_ fuck up at things, honestly?

Len couldn’t even open his mouth to make it up to her, since that would be meaningless. To him, an apology usually warranted the standard _‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it’_ , but that didn’t necessarily mean _‘I feel bad’_ or _‘I regret it’_. Because while he did regret what he’d said, truly and sincerely regretted those words—

Some small, awful part of him _had_ meant it. He _had_ meant to inflict hurt, to make her feel small and powerless; he _had_ wanted to knock her to the ground, make her feel every single bit of pain he’d felt for most of his life, hey, take this heartache with you, I just couldn’t bear to feel it alone right then.

The boy closed his eyes, recalling a moment in time that seemed to be from eons ago, maybe even from another lifetime. Recalled, with startling clarity, the affection he had felt for her, warm and bright; the laughter that could’ve been forever frozen in time; the kiss she’d pressed against his lips chastely, gentle like butterfly wings.

And most of all: a boy and a girl, just two against the world.

_“We’re gonna be together no matter what, Len—let’s swear on it!”_

He doubted she even remembered.

.

It’d started with something forgotten.

The blond ducked his head into the music room his class had occupied earlier that morning, sighing as he reached for the book on astrology he’d left behind. How careless, he chided himself. He was incredibly lucky no one else seemed to share his interest in this particular subject.

He would’ve just left the place and gone straight back home to finish his assignments had he not heard muffled music. He tilted his head, instinctively walking in the direction of the sound.

It was Rin.

She was playing the piano in the next room, the light tinkling of the keys matching the sweet, breathy quality of her voice. Her eyes were closed to form peaceful half-moons, figure swaying gently to the music as her notes climbed higher, higher, reaching for the sun.

This was it, Len realized, not forgetting to lay low and out of sight. This was why his sister captivated the school and made everyone dance on her fingertips.

Rin made music beautiful.

It wasn’t like Miku, so he heard, who could recite any musical composition perfectly to a T, or play a million instruments without a single flaw, or even reach scales that shouldn’t have been humanly possible. This was— _talent_. Just plain, raw talent for music, and sardonic as he was, even Len had to admit she was amazing.

No amount of flawless theory work the boy completed could match up to that, and he couldn’t help but feel a familiar surge of resentment towards her—and perhaps, a tiny bit of pride.

He left her to her own devices without being noticed, mentally storing away whatever new knowledge he’d learnt about Rin and feeling more determined than ever to cinch his scholarship.

.

It’d started with the cover of nightfall.

Tonight she was perched on his lap, smiling something starlight secret. “Hi,” she said shyly, dainty fingers brushing his bangs away from his eyes.

The blond caught her wrist, gaze lingering on the flimsy straps of her dress. It was her favourite, he knew, this white one with the lace trim—it was his, too, if only because it provided for easy access. Quietly, hoarsely, he returned, “Yeah.”

“Don’t worry,” she told him, breath fanning his face lightly as she drew close. One of the straps slipped down her shoulder, and his hooded eyes traced the creamy skin he yearned to touch. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

He kissed her without hesitation, the stir in his chest intensifying to a low thrum of gunfire, blazing through his blood and leaving ash in his veins. It was her, whispering his name, scraping her fingernails in all the right places, gasping and writhing and whimpering; it was him, leaving a trail of love marks, spiralling out of control and groaning and shaking and _wanting_ —

Len groaned, awake and immediately conscious of the uncomfortable sensation in his boxers. He began the arduous task of untangling himself from the blankets, making his way to the bathroom down the hall with about as much grace as a drunkard.

This was the _third_ goddamned time this week, and slowly but surely, it was driving him insane.

Apparently it wasn’t enough for him to be in the throes of confusing, unrequited love for his twin sister, but the gods decided it would be _fun_ to see him suffer through wonderfully pleasurable dreams that wouldn’t ever see the light of day.

What difference was there between him and Yuuma now, besides the weight of shared memories and past mistakes?

It made things so more difficult that they already were, because every time he looked at Rin, he saw the sister everyone idolized, the sister he resented very much and wanted to break, but wouldn’t.

Yet he also saw the girl with a voice like the heavenly chorus of a thousand angels, the girl he cared for too much and wanted to love, but couldn’t.

_“Your secret’s safe with me.”_

But, Len thought wearily as he dragged a hand down his face, if this was a love that was meant to be, it shouldn’t have to be.

.

It’d started with Kaito’s damnable nosy nature.

“You landed yourself a scholarship, eh? That’s super cool!”

The blond lowered his book on radioactive isotopes just enough for him to see who had disturbed his peace. When the colour blue filled his vision, he raised it again, studiously ignoring the intruder.

“ _Heyyyy_ , c’mon, now,” Kaito whined. Their friendship—if you could even call it that—had always been this way, even though that had never seemed to have posed much of a problem for him all these years. “I know you’re kind of a _‘bleh’_ , but at least let me give you a hug as congrats, won’t you?”

“Please,” Len deadpanned, as the other male leaned in with huge puppy eyes, “don’t touch me.”

Kaito drew back with a pout, mumbling something like _‘fun-killer’_ under his breath, before he took a seat next to the blond, his face growing a little more serious. “So, how are you gonna get there all lonesome?”

He was perhaps the only one who pried enough to scratch the surface of what was happening in the Kagamine household—except, of course, how deep Len’s resentment and, ah, _intense admiration_ for his sister truly were.

If Len was being honest with himself, the scholarship was everything he’d ever wanted, everything he’d dreamed of to escape from the weight of the overbearing silence at home.

But did that also mean escape from _her_?

At the start of his last year, he would’ve just left for university studies, no questions asked and no doubts left behind. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

“I explained my situation to the university,” came the decidedly absent reply as he flipped to the next page. “Since I can’t afford the travel costs, they offered to pay for me.”

A low, impressed whistle. “Wow, they want you quite badly, huh? Must’ve gotten some pretty stellar results for that to happen.” Kaito, for all his fluster over his ‘goddess’ and his foolish, idealistic goals for peace and harmony, was no less shrewd than Len himself.

There _was_ , after all, a legitimate reason as to why Kaito hadn’t long since been castrated by a dozen guys or so for claiming the most popular girl in school as his girlfriend—and a good one, at that, considering that he knew bloody _kendo_.

Finally, the blond snapped his book shut. Stared at the blue-haired male seriously, because he was beating around the bush again and he _knew_ it, too. “Get to the point.”

“Alright, _jeez_ , Mr Grouchy McGrouchpants. My point is: are you okay with _this_.” He gestured to Len as a whole, earning a mildly confused frown in reply. “You’re going to a uni that’s like, _gazillions_ of miles away from home, from me, from the rest of us, and from Rin.

“Are you really okay with leaving things as they are?”

The boy slit his gaze at him, and it felt as if the temperature around them had dropped several degrees. The winter chill in his eyes told Kaito what his frosty aura already implied: _It’s none of your goddamn business._

He raised his hands in a placating manner, a guileless smile easy on his lips. “Alright,” he said, softly like one would to a wild animal, “alright. I’ll stop for now. Just—think about it.”

And then he left Len alone. Alone, with only his own despicable thoughts for company.

.

It’d started with late-night reading.

Cooking had always been a bit of a hobby for him, and the boy never did understand why people always jeered at him for liking it. All humans needed sustenance to survive, and top-notch chefs mostly consisted of _men_ , despite the commonplace idea that women were supposed to be in the kitchen.

Regardless, he had brought back a couple of cookbooks about western cuisine from the library, studying them as intensely as he did with his notes until some loud thumping outside his room broke his concentration.

Scooting off his bed, he’d made his way down the hall quietly, not wanting to startle whoever it was awake at three in the morning. It could’ve been either one of his parents, or even a burglar, for god’s sake, but his first thought had been, irrationally, _Rin_.

It turned out that he’d been right, though—his sister was making awful gagging sounds in the bathroom, her fingers clutching at the rim of the toilet bowl like a drowning fisherman would to his last lifeline.

Asking her if she was okay was stupid, since she obviously wasn’t, so Len did the next best thing he could think of: he kneeled next to her, angling their bodies such that they wouldn’t touch, even accidentally, and gently pulled back the hair that tumbled around her face.

His position had been awkward and had made his neck ache a little, but—he just kept brushing stray locks that escaped his hands, ignoring the cold sweat that broke out along the base of her neck. All the while, he tried to soothe her quaking. Murmured, over and over, “It’s okay. Let it all out... You’ll be fine. Easy, easy.

“Just breathe.”

The tremors soon subsided after that, and Len had allowed himself to think that he’d finally, _finally_ been doing what a good brother would do.

That had been the events of two nights ago. He hadn’t wanted to attend lessons—he could _actively ignore_ his classes and the teachers wouldn’t even bat an eyelid at this point of his school career—but decided to go anyway, hoping to keep his mind from wandering back to Rin.

Fat hopes of that happening, especially with the knowledge that she was bedridden haunting his thoughts around the clock.

Yuuma, to his credit, only made a comment about music class being boring that day without Rin around and nothing more. Their vague friendship hadn’t recovered from the fight they had, but the pink-haired male was now a lot more wary about what he said around him; Len liked to keep it that way, too.

So absorbed in these thoughts that the blond walked out of his room, nearly bumping into his sister on the way out, and—

Rin was clad in nothing but a towel.

His gaze flickered over her lithe frame and tried to keep from straying too far, but he couldn’t help focussing on the red patches that dotted her skin as far as his eyes could see. It looked as if she’d been burnt.

The boy licked his lips, torn between not wanting to prolong seeing Rin in a flimsy towel before he decided to snatch it away from her, and his concern for her wellbeing. The latter won out, of course, but that didn’t make the former any less tempting.

_“U-um, I accidentally turned the temperature of the water up too high.”_

He knew right away that the girl wasn’t telling him the whole truth, but didn’t press further; she wasn’t the only one keeping secrets, after all, so who was he to pry?

Silently, Len watched her head back into her own room, fixated on the sway of her hips, on the towel riding down the curve of her back just a teasing bit. Thought grimly to himself: No ‘good brother’ in the world would do the things that he did.

.

It’d started with the end.

Why did people _cry_ when high school came to a close? Graduation was just the end of a phase in education. It wasn’t like life stopped there; in fact, it moved faster from there on out, and suddenly in the blink of an eye, you’re twenty, just landed a new job, you’re thirty, getting a promotion, forty, fifty, _sixty_ —

His parents had attended the ceremony for them—or rather, for Rin. God knew how much self-discipline it took for them to _smile_ for the camera with their _dearly beloved_ son.

_“I wish I never had a child like you!”_

Then again, you’d get used to it after a decade or more.

Sometimes it did make him wonder, though: if you planned on ignoring the human you brought into this world as though they were a mistake in a video-game you couldn’t undo, then why bother having children at _all_? To teach them how to be as emotionless and invisible as possible, to teach them how to go through the motions of life like a drifting ghost?

Or perhaps even to shape them to be the willing boost their twin needed to step onto her pedestal with relative ease?

Since a fairly young age, he’d already been resigned to a life of looking on from the shadows while Rin basked under the sun, because if he were to be terribly frank, the best way for a person to truly shine was to show how much brighter they were with someone far, far worse standing beside them.

Darkness was not _something_ , after all, it was the _absence_ of something. You could adjust the intensity of light the way you wanted it to be, but the lack of light meant you had nothing at all. So, to Len, that only meant one thing: light and dark had to co-exist. Without light, darkness couldn’t prevail even if it tried.

But without darkness, light still went on without it, just like Rin had always done.

If his existence was to invite trouble and show the world that he was the cruel, cowardly wolf in contrast to Rin’s perfect princess image, then so be it.

Still, the boy regretted not bringing at least a science fiction novel to kill time, because reading would’ve been far more productive than watching his sister flit around like the sunshine-rainbows-and-puppies person she was, grinning brightly at anyone who wished her all the best for university, or good luck in future endeavours.

For a moment he dwelled on how she managed to continue _smiling_ all the while—didn’t it _hurt_ , after some time, to keep up something you didn’t mean?—until he realized he was staring quite intensely at her mouth.

Len shifted his gaze elsewhere, licking his lips absently, and his eyes accidentally met Kaito’s from across the school hall.

Mercifully enough, Kaito could do nothing more than offer him a friendly smile and wave from afar, since he was trapped by all the fans crowding around him, bearing excited squeals and gifts and possible ill intent to steal his second button before he could gift it to Miku.

Sometimes, when the nights were too quiet and his heartbeat was too loud, he remembered the question the blunet had asked him a few months back, straight and true like the clean shot of an arrow.

_“Are you really okay with leaving things as they are?”_

Had he replied Kaito back then, he would’ve lifted his shoulder in a careless shrug. Would’ve been far more evasive and vague and frustrating than usual, would’ve baited him with a non-answer.

Now, looking at Rin with something stirring at his heart like always, he wanted to ask him in return: _Knowing how much trouble my existence entails, what else can I possibly do?_

.

It’d started with a sharp squeal of recognition that nearly burst his eardrums.

Bumping into Hatsune Miku while on the way back from returning a stack of library books he’d borrowed had been pure coincidence, but allowing himself to be dragged into a café decked out in shades of neon pink was a calculated move on his part.

In his entire middle to high school career of six years, Len supposed the most he’d spoken to the school pop goddess was perhaps a few awkward greetings at best, with most of them having occurred during the last two years of Kaito’s embarrassed fleeing-and-ditching, Miku’s doggedly determined chasing, and their immensely annoying _will-they-won’t-they_ dynamic up until they finally resolved their underlying sexual tension and _settled the fuck down_.

Regardless, the only reason why he hadn’t upped and stormed away from her, common courtesy be damned, was because as far as her incessant chattering went, it definitely provided for a good distraction. God knew he needed one quite badly, especially since he was still pondering over the harsh consequences Rin’s declaration from three nights ago was bound to drag up.

Len had known, from the moment he began talking to Rin a little more, letting his guard down a little more, that she would confront their parents one day. He’d been ready for it, bracing himself for the inevitable.

His hunch had been right, of course: the girl had stood her ground, declaring that she wanted to pursue music instead of business and law. Her perfect princess image was finally starting to show the too-visible fault lines that he’d overlooked in his resentment, finally, _finally_ starting to slip through the cracks.

It made her seem a lot more _human_ , so to speak.

It also begged the question of _how the hell was she going to pay the whooping fees for university studies_. Education was not at all cheap, despite the importance of the stupid certificate you achieve after months and years of slogging your brains out, and the flimsy thing may as well have been called ‘food ticket stub’ for everyone who wanted to earn enough money to scrape by in life.

“—and yeah, Kaito’s always been such a _goof_ , don’t you think?” Miku giggled, her eyes twinkling with a light that would’ve had at least ninety percent of the school population sighing in admiration and/or jealousy. “Anyway, Len, are you okay? You look kinda—like, I dunno, spacey.”

The question pulled him back from his musings to focus on the girl sitting across from him, blinking at him expectantly. Oh, he’d forgotten about her for a moment. Right. “No, I’m fine. I just—” Here, he made a show of inhaling sharply and pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. “I’m just, you know, tired. Been staying up all night, uh, reading, and all.”

She propped up her elbows, resting her chin lightly on top of her laced fingers. “Is it something about Rinnie?” the tealette inquired as though asking about the weather, completely ignoring what he’d just told her. When he only offered a cool, even expression, she added more firmly, “I’m listening.”

It occurred to Len then that for all of Miku’s ditzy, blabbermouth tendencies, Kaito wouldn’t want a _stupid_ person to be his girlfriend.

“Rin,” he started carefully, and faltered. Words had never been his strong suit. “Rin—she’s kind of... not— _okay_ , she’s upset.” He remembered not daring to move a single muscle as she leant against him, shoulders quaking despite her best efforts not to outright wail in front of him.

Remembered wishing for something, _anything_ that he could say to make her feel better, that showed he supported her decision, but in the end he’d just sat there. He’d just sat there, right on the edge of her bed, in total silence.

But at some point, Len had to wonder when exactly did he soften up enough for Rin to _trust_ him so much as a brother, when putting trust in him was as if to offer the princess as a sacrifice to the wolf lurking in the shadows.

“She talked to our parents about wanting to study music, but they... aren’t exactly... the most _forgiving_ of people.”

Understatement of the fucking year—no, the _century_ , actually—but he didn’t feel like he was up for spilling the details of his whole life story to anybody, let alone someone like Miku. It was _personal_ , and as it was he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying Rin, somehow, for explaining her financial issues to the tealette.

She hummed as she leaned back against her chair, which was a bright shade of magenta that clashed with her hair quite hideously. “She’s dead broke, isn’t she?”

His brooding silence was enough of an answer.

“I can cover for her.”

The blond snapped his head up to look at her. Said, with no small amount of incredulity, “What.”

There wasn’t any need to ask her how she could afford another person’s university expenses, because she was _Hatsune bloody Miku_ , for god’s sake, and she lived in that ridiculously huge mansion Kaito had pointed out when they’d walked past it once. But goddamn seriously: _what?_

She seemed unfazed by his surprise, glancing down to inspect her long, perfectly well-kept nails. “You and I both know she won’t ever make it to Crypton without a steady supply of money. I mean, you could probably give up, like, your whole bank account for her—and I _know_ you would, Len, don’t make that face—but it still wouldn’t be enough. And, honestly, I don’t want to see her talent go to waste.

“So, uh, I can talk to my parents, and I’m like... a thousand percent sure that they’ll agree to help her out. Rin’s hard _not_ to like, you know, and they love her to bits.”

“A thousand percent’s exaggerating too much, don’t you think,” Len groused with the skyward roll of his eyes, but inwardly there was a surge of relief spreading across his chest, making him breathe a little easier than before. “But—Miku, I mean if—I just... this is a _huge_ favour for her. Really huge.”

“Rin’s my friend, Len,” the girl murmured, and a touch of warmth seeped into her eyes; clearly she did care about Rin more than she ever let on. “A close friend, even. Of course I don’t mind. I’ll do my best to help her. She’s got such a gift, too. At music, I mean.”

The boy couldn’t help but realize that the internationally-ranked Hatsune Miku was _here_ , sitting in a garishly-themed café and offering _help_ and _praise_ to his sister, and—and that had to mean _some_ thing, right?

_“I really do envy you, Len. Because you work hard to achieve great things, without having to rely on others. You are your own person.”_

Most of the time, though, he mused, reflecting on what she’d said to him that one night their parents were away. Most of the time, any _‘great thing’_ he achieved was all because of her.

To Miku, he said, with quiet sincerity, “Yeah. Yeah, she really does. Thank you.”

.  
.

_if our love is running out of time, i won’t count the hours, rather be a coward;_  
when our worlds collide,  
i’m gonna drown you out before i lose my mind. 

.  
.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **disclaimer:** i do not own Vocaloid, Adam Lambert’s _Broken English_ or Naughty Boy ft. Sam Smith’s _La La La_.


	2. part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was really fun beta-ing _bad sister_ and writing this on the side for the span of five months last year ;w; i kind of miss this universe, really. _bad brother_ is still one of my proudest writing projects to-date - and i still laugh at the worlds longest omake to ever have omake'd tho pfpfpfft
> 
> minor characters/implied ships mentioned here and there, and our favourite asshole is back (and possibly more messed up than ever lol). have fun reading owo)7

.  
.  
.

It’d started with the unexpected.

Sleep had never come easily for him. As a child, he’d been shaken awake by Rin and her nightmares of the bogey-man; as a middle-schooler he’d been kept awake thanks to his own failures compared to Rin; as a high-schooler he’d stayed awake to pore over any book he could get his hands on to gain an edge over Rin.

Now, as a student graduate waiting for uni-entry, the boy was wide awake as he stared blankly up at ceiling, haunted by the thought of Rin’s lips and how lovely they had been.

.

**bad brother  
part II**

_we’ll never fall apart, coz we fit together like  
two pieces of a broken heart—  
there’s a boy, lost his way, looking for someone to play._

.

After his chance meeting with Miku, Len had renewed his resolve of not wanting to trouble Rin with his lustful intents. Distancing himself from the girl and brushing her off coldly hadn’t worked out since she just approached him _more_ , so he’d settled on a secondary course of action: going with the flow.

He’d tried very hard not to snap at her unnecessarily, tried to give as much advice as he could despite his struggle with small talk. For a while, the blond had assumed the role of a good brother—he’d even been able to make physical contact with Rin without much trouble recently.

But for the past few nights, he’d noticed the soft patter of footsteps wandering past his room and down the stairs, followed by a soft click of the television switching on. It was definitely not his parents—personally Len suspected they could sleep through a goddamn hurricane—and for some reason, he felt something stir at his chest when he finally realized who it was, deciding to check on her.

Looking back, the blond dryly supposed that this reason was obvious now.

To be fair, it was an accident. Or—or _was_ it, really? He didn’t know. All he knew was that his sister had continued moving against his own lips after they’d been too close to each other in the dark and he’d felt the initial barely-there pressure, that it was awkward, and forced, and incredibly warm, and his heart was beating beating _beating_ and he was so sure it was going to burst—

Len had fought tooth and nail to wrench himself away then, and even merely _thinking_ about it now made his breathing hitch. _Calm down, goddammit_ , he chided himself with gritted teeth, screwing his eyes shut and willing the images away to no avail.

_“Jeez, you spend so much time thinking with that big brain of yours, but you never seem to think enough when something big actually happens!"_

Why was it that Kaito’s words often rang true some way or another? Len seriously wanted to know the statistics and scientific explanation behind this bullshit phenomenon. The bastard may as well have predicted that he would fall in love with his own twin sister, for god’s sake.

But her lips were soft. Soft, and pliable, and far better than anything he’d ever dreamed of, and it would’ve been _so incredibly easy_ to have taken her by the hips and brought her close _and_ —

He breathed, feeling like an anchor was weighing against his chest, pulling it down, down, down, the blood in his heart stirring more, more, more, thrashing like sea monsters that lurked beneath the surface, go on, wouldn’t you care for a quick dip?

No, keep breathing, you had to keep breathing before you gave in and sank down into the watery depths of hell. Just keep breathing, in, out, in, out. It was easy, so easy.

Then why was it so _difficult_ all of a sudden when it came to Rin?

His brain was now hotwired to thoughts he’d assumed were long since suppressed, long since buried under the guise of being a good brother. Had he even been a good brother at _all_ , even? Len thought back to when he’d had the faint inkling that he may be in love with his sister.

Lust, perhaps it’d been at first, mistaken for love. The fine line between them had been smudged; he’d walked along it so much that he couldn’t even see it anymore, leaving nothing but a grey, puzzling blur of lust and love and resentment and admiration.

Now—oh, god, _now_ , it _hurt_. It made his hands tremble with rage to stew over the way their dickhead parents were treating Rin, it physically pained him to think that if he fucked up and lost control, she would leave him in the dark like he ought to be, it set off fireworks under his skin when he brushed against her, but he’d ignored everything and he’d done _so well_ for _so long_ and—

Why, the blond mourned, running a hand through his already unruly hair, _why_ did Rin hold such an effect over him? What were the odds of ever recovering from temptation in the form of your twin sister’s mouth against your own?

Confusion begged questions. Questions begged answers.

And Len would pry them from the girl’s pretty, pink lips, even if it meant the wolf in the shadows couldn’t remain his cowardly self any longer.

.

It’d started with so many events, so many details, so many misunderstandings. He didn’t know which occurrence had been the true trigger, didn’t know how the littlest of things had snowballed up to this very moment, but here it was.

Here they were now.

_“Don’t. You don’t—you don’t have to apologize.”_

Len stared at her, uncomprehending. He’d just— _kissed_ her. After a very normal, albeit strained conversation between siblings, after he’d struggled for words and went straight for the kill without letting his brain catch up to what he was doing.

He’d just kissed her, and Rin just told him he didn’t have to apologize.

Just— _why?_ She had every right to run away from him; she had every right to call him any foul name she could think of, to slap him, to punch him, anything, anything at all that’d make the slow burn of guilt gnawing at his stomach ease a little, even if it was for his own benefit.

Instead she just... stood there. Stared at him with a gaze that made his heart tremble under its weight, a gaze that was heavy with undeserved affection, and steadiness, and—

Understanding.

It struck him then that that kiss from nearly a month ago was not entirely an accident after all, just as he’d suspected for a fleeting moment.

Before his mind could process anything else, he had Rin’s face cupped in his hands, his mouth slanting against hers once more, because she was Rin, she was his twin sister, she was the perfect princess and she was Rin but she _understood_ —

“L-Len...” Distantly he felt her mewl in protest against his lips, felt her small, dainty hands wrinkling the fabric of his shirt, so he pulled away for a moment to peer at her expression. “Please.”

The blond tensed, for a split second horrified that he’d misinterpreted her, misunderstood the whole thing. Usually his intuition was spot-on and he never had to second-guess himself, but practically _everything_ went up in smoke when it came to Rin.

It was one thing for him to accept his feelings for his own sibling, after all; it was another thing entirely for her to be _okay_ with that.

Fear was something that was inherent in humans, and Len, as stone-cold and cynical as he could be, was not immune—it clawed at his lungs, squeezing, squeezing, she didn’t want this, tighter, tighter, she didn’t want him, gripping harder, harder—

_“I do. I do, but this is incest—normal people don’t commit incest, Len.”_

His eyes softened as he relaxed the slightest bit. Rin had always been the stickler to life’s unwritten rules, but honestly he couldn’t fault her for it—she’d always had everything spoon-fed to her on a golden platter, always at the top of her perfect princess game even if she denied it through and through, always trying to smile her way through their parents’ sky-high expectations.

But to him, being the stranger in his own family was normal, being on the losing end of the stick was normal, being the wolf lurking in the shadows and watching her from afar was normal.

Falling in love with his own twin sister was just one more thing to add to his little black book of _normal_.

_“We’re already messed up enough as it is.”_

As he sealed their fate with another kiss, Len could only wonder if she’d ever truly understand what he meant by that.

.

It continued in secrecy.

He knew that it was upsetting Rin greatly to sneak around behind their parents’ backs, that it was probably wrecking her insides and turning her whole world upside down, but—she did it. She did it for him.

For them.

Thinking of this made Len’s heart stir with greater intensity than he’d thought possible, like the stars and the moon had come together to align perfectly, like the world had slowed on its axis and given him the chance to bask under the sun for once, because—what were the _odds_?

What did she see in him that didn’t send her running for the hills and never looking back?

Whenever he looked in the mirror, all he saw was the watered-down, slightly masculine image of Rin. An imitation of the real deal. An unwanted copy that could be tossed aside without any prior notice and left forgotten.

But when she looked at him, when he peered past all the layers of anxiety and hesitation, he saw... want. He saw _love_.

Even so, Len wasn’t so far drunk on relief and happiness that he lost his sense of self—he would be a fool to be unaware of the negative possibilities that increased exponentially with every new scenario his mind helpfully generated for him.

What if, for example, their parents were to walk in on them right now, with his hands brushing against his sister’s chest and his lips locking together with hers as they lay sprawled over her bed?

In all honesty, he couldn’t be bothered about their parents and what they thought—after all those years of growing up with heartbreak, desperation and self-loathing, they were by far the _least_ of his problems. They wouldn’t care if he dropped dead right in front of them, and he wouldn’t give two shits if they saw what was happening in his sister’s room.

But Rin. Oh, god, Rin and her far less warped standards of morality. It would damn near _kill_ her, and that, in turn, would damn near kill _him_. No way in hell was he going to let his sister feel any worse about the whole sneaking-around situation than she already did.

Self-destructive as it was, Len still mulled over the possibilities of getting caught, with his limbs tangled with Rin’s and his lips against hers, and—and the thrill of something starlight secret travelled straight down to his loins. Knowing that they both wouldn’t let it go that far, he pulled away for a second to cool off, rolling over and bringing her along with him so that she could lie against his chest.

The boy held his gaze with hers. Saw the guilt that gnawed at the light in her eyes, and said, ever-so-softly and simply, “I love you.”

Had someone told him perhaps half a year ago that he would be saying such words with no hesitation or cynicism whatsoever, he would’ve snorted and rolled his eyes.

_“What the hell is love, anyway?”_

Love, apparently, was Rin. It’d always been Rin, he realized, trailing kisses along her jawline and down towards the base of her neck. Even through the blind hate, the envy, the bitterness—it’d always been her, somehow or another.

The blond lifted his head. Blinked as she murmured a faint _‘I love you too’_ against his lips, feeling his ears heat and his breath catch in his throat.

And then he smiled. Not a smirk, or a sneer, but a smile, because there was something heady bubbling up in his heart, fizzling even as he squeezed her shoulders gently, burning even as he encircled her body and brought the blonde closer to him. _You are precious_ , he thought distantly, palms skimming over her ribs, her hips, the tops of her thighs.

_You are so precious to me, and you have my heart in your hands._

Someone like _her_ loved someone like _him_ , and—and even if it was for a few moments in his lifetime, short-lived as they were, Len could at least say that he’d made the most of them.

.

It carried on with a friendly meet-up.

“Jeez, I can’t believe you’re all leaving me stranded!” he fumed, cheeks puffed out and hands akimbo. “Even Rin’s no longer going to Sankai—now what am I going to _dooooo_?”

“Suck it up, maybe,” Len muttered, biting on the inside of his cheek as the blue-haired male predictably burst out in a fit of theatrics, clinging to him like a useless slug. It’d been a while since they’d last seen each other, and Kaito recently decided to blow up his phone with texts demanding a response, so here they were, exploring a large, relatively-popular bookstore with a cosy interior. “Besides, don’t you have Gakupo and _Yuuma_ with you at Sankai?”

If Kaito noticed the slight emphasis on that name, he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he continued to lament, “Gakupo’s now all kissy-kissy with Luka after she confessed to him, and Yuuma’s eyeing the cute waitress girl—Ms Aria, was it?—at the new café down the street. Pah, _men_ and their _silly_ romances!”

Len sighed as he picked out a title that looked promising. “You have Miku, too,” he pointed out absently, reading the summary on the back cover. And then, more as an afterthought: “Are you two still dating?”

The taller boy stopped wailing for a moment and blinked. “Eh? Yeah, of course we are. I mean, we promised to keep in touch—like, not _obsessively_ , or stalker-ish, or—or creepy vampire-ish,” he fumbled, colour spilling over his cheekbones. “Just... in touch, you know? Miku’s popular and all, but she’s got heart. I have faith in her.”

Hatsune Miku, resident goddess of their high school and possibly of Crypton later on, with millions of love-struck, hormonal boys and giggly, shrieking girls trailing behind her, and— _faith?_ _That_ was all they had to maintain their relationship in spite of being dozens and dozens of miles away from one another?

It sounded extremely flimsy to his ears, because faith was an intangible value that could be just as easily broken as it was established. Seeing each other every day was completely different from seeing each other once every few weeks, months, even years—there were new people to meet, new places to explore.

New faces to fall in love with.

Humans were curious by nature, their short attentions spans leading them away from boring, stable routines and towards more novel, adventurous things in life without so much of a bat of the eyelid.

So what could a small—and dare he say _insignificant_ —thing like _faith_ do to keep you tied to the relationships of the past?

Kaito shoulder-checked him lightly then, rousing him from his thoughts. “It’s more than that, you know,” he said, probably having guessed his train of thought and sounding far more subdued than he’d been earlier. “If not faith, then give _Miku_ some credit, won’t you? It’s—I mean, you’ve seen first-hand how we got together in the first place.

“Do you _really_ think she’d let me go that easily?”

He had a point there.

“So, what have you been up to over our super long break?” the blunet asked, switching gears with conversational ease as he linked his fingers together at the back of his head. “Reading? Watching those sleep-inducing science-y shows?”

_No, having—ah, what do you call them? ‘Hot make-out sessions’ with my twin sister._ “Hm.”

Kaito tilted his head. Considered him with wide, curious eyes, to which the blond studiously tried to ignore. “Did something happen with Rin?”

God- _fucking_ -dammit. “I... we made amends,” Len allowed. He placed the novel apparently about a post-apocalyptic dystopian science fiction future back in its place on the shelf, before turning to meet the other boy’s gaze squarely to avoid suspicion. More grudgingly and honestly than he’d intended to, he said, “You were right.”

_You were right to ask if I should leave things as they were, because... it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay to leave things behind unfinished and unsettled, and—well._

_Thanks , I guess._

For a moment it seemed as if Kaito hadn’t heard him, his face void of emotion, and then—he beamed, bright as a halo, dazzling a couple of high school girls nearby. While the blunet was not particularly handsome or charming, he did have a certain sincerity about him, an idealistic optimism that did not show as often as it should in humanity.

“You’re _welcome_ ,” he replied cheerily, as if he’d heard the boy’s unspoken words clear as day. With a few good-natured pats on his shoulder, he continued, “The best way you can thank me is to keep in touch while we’re all struggling through uni hell, yeah? Don’t be a barb and ignore me like you did for, like, a week and a half, man! _Not_ cool!”

Len snorted, lips twitching. “Right.” Provided he didn’t die from lovesickness halfway through the semester first, though. It was something he dreaded to think about, but the countdown was looming and time was ticking away like a grenade biding its time.

How much longer could the cowardly wolf run away from not the truth now, but the inevitable?

“Make love, not war, buckaroo.” A pause. And then, as if to clarify the statement that seemed to have completely come out of left field: “Uh, you have this expression of death-destruction-and-murder goin’ on your face, and if it’s not about Rin, it’s probably about school.”

The blond blinked once, twice. Considered a variety of responses ranging from _‘there should be a law to ban you from ice-cream highs’_ to _‘is that what you’ve been doing with Miku’_, before finally settling on something that would guarantee an interesting reaction. “Kaito.”

“Yes?”

''Are you suggesting that I should have hot, wild monkey sex with every possible friend I meet in uni,” he deadpanned.

Kaito spluttered, his entire face painting a rather luminous shade of red, most likely at the imagery his mind had naturally conjured. “No,” he cried, aghast, waving his arms and nearly knocking over a small shelf of magazines. “ _No_ , that is _not_ what I— _stop teasing me you blistering assfart_.”

“‘Blistering assfart’ is new.”

“ _Any_ way,” the blunet said, pointedly ignoring the previous comment, “I said ‘make love’—I can _see_ your half-smirk, Len, _don’t make me bite you_ —since that’s, like, the only way you’re going to make it in life. I mean—you can’t stay an icy butthead forever when you have to work with colleagues and stuff. You must learn to reach out and _love_ people first, you know?

“Because... if you don’t love people, how are they ever going to love you?”

Len stilled.

The amusement had ebbed away, and the first thing that rose to the tip of his tongue was, _‘They don’t.’_ But then he thought back to the start of senior year, with Rin hunting him down at every turn, with Rin taking the first step to talk to him, to _fix_ things.

It was highly unlikely for him to meet another person as persistent as Rin; he was lucky he’d had her as a sister at all.

Screw the ice-cream maniac and his unnerving ability to make him think again, and again, _and fucking again_.

“C’mon, now,” Kaito bade. His smile had dialled up by several degrees, as if to make up for Len’s abrupt silence. “I heard they opened a new section for astrophysics over on the second floor. I’ll bet we can find the _mother-load_ of your favourite cosmo mumbo-jumbo up there! Let’s go and take a look, shall we?”

The taller boy steered him further into the bookstore, at the same time veering him away from any rising doubts he had about university studies for a little while longer.

.

It damn near fell to pieces, once, when his sister had been out shopping with Miku.

Their mother had been home early, watching television on the couch and blatantly ignoring his presence as always. It wasn’t anything new; Len knew he didn’t matter in the grand scheme of their parents’ chess game as long as they had their queen piece Rin.

But then his sister broke free from their iron grip, and now they had no pawns left to use.

He grabbed a bottle of green tea from the fridge, mentally forming a checklist of the ingredients he needed for a grilled fish recipe he’d read up on the other day. Absently the blond made his way towards the stairs—hm, they were running low on teriyaki sauce, perhaps he should swap basil for coriander, maybe he could try that new seasoning he’d found in the cupboard...

The moment his foot hit the first step of the stairs, she spoke up.

“Are you happy now?”

Len paused. He could’ve been hearing things, but he swore he heard her voice shaking, as though she was trying to suppress her feelings—but this was their _mother_ , for god’s sake. At least their father had done his best to talk to Rin like a dad should.

_She_ didn’t even try at all, merely taking in all of his sister’s achievements like she’d _taught_ her to, like she was _supposed_ to have known them, hadn’t you learned anything from me, my dearest, _useful_ Rin?

He waited, expecting more to come; sure enough, after a beat of silence she continued, “You’ve succeeded in turning our wonderful daughter into one of your ugly, _mindless_ minions. All that time and effort we’d sacrificed to raise her has gone to waste—now she’s completely besotted with _you_ , and I don’t see any reason for her to.

“You’re nothing but a disgrace.”

The blond couldn’t help his next reaction: he threw his head back and _laughed_. There was nothing kind about his laughter; it sounded dark yet musical, it sounded wrong on the ears, it sounded completely and utterly—

Cruel.

Of course, of course. The suppressed emotion he’d detected had been self-righteous anger. He should’ve known better.

He turned back to look at the woman, noticed how she looked vaguely unsettled. Thought, with laced venom and menace: _You are not fit to tell us what to do, or who we are. You are not fit to be a mother. But because you are older, and because society demands respect towards elders, I must defer to you. Once upon a time, I would’ve cowered away from you._

_Not anymore, you fucking bitch._

For a moment Len was glad that his twin wasn’t around to listen to this bullshit, before he stalked into the living room. “You may call Rin ugly and mindless,” he began, savouring her growing discomfort. He didn’t talk much, but sometimes, when he did...

You’d wish he wouldn’t.

“You may say that,” he repeated, feeling the ice-cold rage swell within him, freezing, freezing, condensing into something for him to unleash, “but I’d suggest you look in the mirror. Like mother, like daughter, don’t you think?”

The lady bristled despite herself. “You _little_ —!”

But he wasn’t done just yet. “And you can tell everyone about your good-for-nothing, disgraceful children.” Len spread his arms, grinning something wild, terrifying. “But in time, people will condemn you and your husband for what you have done to us. Because while we may be disgraces for a small part of our lives...

“You will be hideous, _heartless_ monsters for all of yours.”

Only someone hideous, truly hideous and heartless, could treat him, a mere _child_ back then, the way they did. Could suffocate lovely, talented Rin the way they did.

At his words, she looked as if he’d used a dagger to slash right across her throat, eyes wide and face completely drained of colour. Her lips parted, but only a faint, strangled sound could be heard.

Len smiled thinly, coldly. Deemed that he’d dealt enough damage, and walked away.

He didn’t always need brute strength in a full-out brawl like he had with Yuuma to bring his point across effectively.

As the blond closed his bedroom door behind him, the magnitude of this confrontation made itself known: It had taken them long enough, and their parents may have very well found out about them already, but... soon, they would be free.

They would be free, and Len didn’t know if the sudden twist of his gut was implying that it was for better or for worse.

.

It slowed, the rest of their days passing in a whirlwind of hazy kisses and torrid secrets, but the end had to come someday.

Rin had been trying to read him the whole journey to the train station, and despite his best efforts, his face couldn’t stay completely blank like it usually was; some of his emotions had rippled to the surface, offering her a glimpse of the turmoil he was experiencing internally.

For him, it was less about making friends as Rin had guessed—they were temporary companions that were convenient for schoolwork, minus Kaito who’d stuck around for six years like a welcoming, seemingly air-headed leech—and more about being so far away from his sister.

The same night he’d decided to confront her about the kiss, Len had told her of his fear—that he was afraid of being left in the dust, that the other students were going to be as smart as or smarter than he. It’d been only _part_ of the fear, though; the primary goal of telling her this back then was to get her to relax, to build up to what he’d wanted to talk to her about in the first place.

Everything went to hell after that, of course, but still the blond felt no remorse for the half-hearted admission. Withholding part of the truth was not considered lying, after all.

What he’d left out was that it wasn’t so much of not being able to keep up with the university syllabus. If not his own intelligence, Len at least had confidence in his ability to internalize study materials effectively. Curriculum could be learned, memorized and studied.

Self-preservation, on the other hand, could not—or rather, it was a lot more difficult to accomplish, especially when Len took into account the nature of his relationship with his twin sister.

Light and dark, as he’d always theorized, had to co-exist in harmony. There was no such thing as one without the other. But to be ripped away from Rin after recently regaining physical and emotional contact with her, after finally allowing himself to enjoy the sunshine with her...

Len wasn’t sure if he’d know what to do with himself anymore after that.

Even now, as he was seated in one of the train carriages and watching the scenery rush by in a blur of greens and yellows, it was an odd feeling to be alone, without a slight weight curled up next to him on the couch, without the faint scent of oranges tickling his nose, without—

Rin.

He’d underestimated the effect she had on him once again, if being away from the girl made his very _soul_ malfunction and destabilize.

With a sharp inhale, Len ran a careless hand through his bangs, shifting in his seat with an air of restlessness. Looking back, he could at least take comfort in knowing that they’d parted on a good note—he could’ve been on this Osaka-bound train thinking of the million positions he craved to have his sister in, feeling like a walking wall of guilt.

That... was something he still thought about, but less frequently as of late. It made a lot more sense to shower affections upon Rin herself than to just have ‘sessions’ on his own wishing he could, but—still.

_“So, goodbye?”_

Still.

_“Yeah. Goodbye.”_

Damn if it didn’t hurt to feel the warmth of her kiss lingering on his lips, the ghost of a memory that he wished would never fade, a quick little peck like that never hurt anyone, did it—?

In the midst of the low rumbling of the train, the blond picked up on the curious, out-of-place sound of rustling paper. He peered over the arm of his seat, registering the sight of a crinkled drawing trembling along with the floor of the train, the doodle losing its colour intensity but not the feelings it’d captured.

Len leaned over to pick it up, eyes softening considerably. He’d forgotten about this piece of paper until the last minute, actually, and had to scramble back upstairs to retrieve it from where it was hidden in his pillowcase. It must’ve fallen out of his pocket.

_“You can—um, keep it if you want. I’ve got plenty of photos of us, and you don’t seem to have any, right?”_

His sister had given him a photo frame with a picture of them when they were younger, when they were happier and naïve and all the things kids were like at that age. She didn’t question what had happened to his own photos of them, and neither did he provide an answer without being prompted to.

Perhaps they both knew that he’d thrown them all away like he’d done with their relationship.

But this—this _drawing_. Len recalled screaming until his lungs almost gave out when no one home, feeling like he was done with his parents, done with his life and most of all, done with _perfect princess Rin_ and her _perfect princess fucking attitude_.

Recalled deciding that he was _sick_ of the silence, and that day he was going to take everything he shared with her, from photos to old toys to cool prizes, and _obliterate_ them all, make them disappear till nothing was left, and... he had.

He _had_ done it, effectively so, but the one thing he just couldn’t bear to throw out was this worn, precariously fragile piece of paper, and the memories that came along with it.

.

_“Len,” she’d protested, stumbling forward blindly as he tugged at her hand, urging her to go faster. “Len, where are we going? It’s so dark out here!” He’d told her to close her eyes and not to peek, since it would completely ruin the surprise he’d prepared for her. Oooh, he couldn’t wait to see the look on her face later!_

_“We’re almost there, you’ll see!” The boy screeched to a stop when he reached their favourite playground, excitement thrumming all the way down to his little toes. “Okay, you can open your eyes now, Rin—and look up!”_

_He watched her blink once, twice. Saw the way her lips parted in awe as she whispered, “W-wow... Len, this is...”_

_Instead of the usual city-polluted clouds that rolled over the night sky, there was a light dust of stars that looked a lot like their mother’s precious jewellery, glittering eternally against the deep velvet vastness all around them._

_“Neat, huh?” Len puffed out his chest, banging a tiny fist against it proudly. He then coughed discreetly; he’d hit himself a little too hard. “I knew this would happen! The weatherman on TV said there was a good chance it’ll happen this week, and I figured out which day in the end!”_

_And it was worth all the counting and the confusion, all the mean yells he’d gotten from their parents for staying up late to watch those cosmo... cosmology shows he didn’t really understand—just to see his sister’s eyes twinkle just as brightly as the stars above them._

_Rin clasped her hands together, beaming at him with those dimples that made him want to poke his fingers into. “Thank you so much for showing me this,” she giggled, blonde locks bouncing against her shoulders. “They’re so pretty!”_

You’re so much prettier, though _, he thought, before shaking his head to clear it. What was he thinking? Rin was a girl—and girls were gross!_

_“Since we’re here, do you wanna continue our story?”_

_“Sure!”_

_Rin’s fairytale story so far, as the boy remembered, was that there was once a cowardly wolf who lived in a tiny cottage deep in the woods. He liked being alone most of the time, though he’d always dreamed of having someone to play with him. But everyone else thought he was scary and mean, and he himself was deathly afraid of bringing trouble to everyone, so alone he stayed._

_In a kingdom nearby, there lived a perfect princess—she was lovely and pretty and loved by all who met her, but golly gee, she never got to leave the castle! Her parents were meanies who kept her inside all the time, but the inside was so boring! And so, she ran away from home, ran and ran and ran, until she stumbled across the tiny cottage deep in the woods._

_The perfect princess had knocked on the door, letting herself in when no one answered and wandering around the little house curiously; unknown to her, the cowardly wolf was hiding under the kitchen table, too frightened out of his wits to shoo the girl out of his home._

_Eventually she’d found him, luring him out with her kind smile, and after a while the pair quickly became very close. The perfect princess had discovered someone interesting, while the cowardly wolf had finally found a friend who wasn’t afraid of him in the slightest._

_But all good things had to come to an end—the perfect princess’ parents were worried sick about her, and reluctant as she was, it was time for her to go home._

_“Don’t cry, Len!” Rin squeaked in her best impression of the perfect princess, patting her brother on the head. He was rubbing his knuckles softly against his eyes, pretending to be in tears. “This won’t be the end, I know it won’t!”_

_“B-but... you’re leaving...” He sniffled, looking up at her with watery eyes from a sneaky yawn. “What if we never see each other again?”_

_“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!” She smiled kindly, taking him by both hands. He resisted a cry of ‘ewwww’ from the contact; hopefully he wasn’t going to get cooties from this. “We’re gonna be together no matter what, Len—let’s swear on it!”_

_Len blinked, honestly not expecting this in her story. He’d assumed that the perfect princess would just leave him alone for good in the end. “Swear on it? But how?”_

_Before he could react, he felt a gentle pressure press against his lips, just for a moment, just for a heartbeat, before it pulled away. His eyes widened, his throat feeling awfully dry all of a sudden._

_“There, now our promise is sealed! Yay, the end!” Rin cheered, pumping a fist in the air. She tilted her head, prodding a gentle finger at his cheek—he must’ve had quite a dumb expression on his face. “I love you lots, Len!”_

_The boy couldn’t take his eyes off from her; his sister was glowing like sunshine on a warm summer day, and his face felt like the effects of a warm summer day. He nodded firmly, licking his lips before offering a wide, goofy grin._

_“Mm, I love you too, Rin!”_

.

They’d gotten into so much trouble when they got home, Len smirked faintly to himself. Or rather, _he_ had gotten into trouble; his parents just assumed that he’d just dragged her along for the ride as _always_ , but—it was worth it.

It was so, _so_ worth it.

He gazed down at the colourful drawing Rin had given to him the following day at school, depicting the cowardly wolf and his perfect princess holding hands. His sister’s handiwork back then, no doubt, from the cheery smiles on their faces to the sloppy penmanship scrawled near the top.

Looking back on the memory, it seemed that nothing much had changed, after all: he was still far too invested in the stars, a foolish make-believe promise, and _Rin_ for his own damn good. His interests were now a lot more widespread and diverse, of course, but the things that mattered the most to him stayed the same, through and through.

The blond had never liked change; sticking to the status quo, enduring the silence, leaving things as they were, running away from his problems—these were all his fortes, the only ways he knew how to deal with reality.

And yet.

_“This won’t be the end, I know it won’t!”_

Yet.

_“If you don’t love people, how are they ever going to love you?”_

Perhaps, Len allowed, change could very well be a good thing. Without change, Kaito never would’ve succeeded in coaxing him out of his shell; without change, his relationship with his sister would’ve remained damaged beyond repair; without change—

He wouldn’t be in this train now, the university scholarship for a dual degree under his belt and the way out ahead of him.

Perhaps, more than anything...

_“Make something happen, Len. Have a story to tell me when we see each other again, alright?”_

It was time to open a new chapter for the cowardly wolf.

.

_this is a modern fairytale: no happy endings, no wind in our sails—_  
but i can’t imagine a life without  
breathless moments breaking me down. 

.  
.  
 **omake:**  


_3.12pm_  
 **From:** Bakaito  
Yo! Finals are finally over, yahooooo! ヾ(≧∇≦*)ゝ Ice cream at the café Ms Aria works at on Sunday? Miku and the rest of the crew will be there! (^･ω･^=)~

.

_3.23pm_  
 **To:** Bakaito  
Sure.

.

_3.25pm_  
 **From:** Hime  
Um – are we still meeting later today?

.

_3.25pm_  
 **To:** Hime  
Yes, just as planned.

.

“It’s so bloody _weird_ to see you smiling at your phone like you oughta be locked up in the loony-bin.”

Any traces of the smile on his lips dissipated immediately as he looked up to bore holes into his roommate’s skull. “Take a picture, Oliver, it’ll last longer,” he quipped, implying the other boy had been staring.

“I _would_ , but then you’d sic Megpoid to feast upon my gorgeously toned body,” Oliver jested, chuckling as he spun around in his swivel chair to face him properly. “You and I both know of her utterly _terrifying_ ability to jump and maim people for her unholy experiments.”

“That’s insulting,” came his rather bland reply as he rolled on a pair of fresh socks over his ankles. “Gumi wouldn’t just feast upon you; she’d tear you apart limb by limb and crunch your bones like her favourite carrots first, before selling your organs to the black market.”

“How _dare_ you speak of such hellish imagery in _my_ dormitory—say, what’s up with the get-up? Have you been stashing a secret girlfriend or two behind my back?”

He rolled his eyes with no small amount of good humour, getting up to bonk him on the head before strolling away to the landmine of shoes near the doorway. “Stop talking like a seventy-year-old British man with a Santa Claus beard pining for lost love.”

“I demand respect from my loyal subjects, dammit, _respecttttt_ ,” Oliver whined, clutching dramatically at the spot he’d been hit—oddly reminding him of another idiot he was friends with. “Kids these days, honestly!”

The boy snorted as he toed on his sneakers. “So says the kid who wears bandages over one eye because he lost his favourite pirate cosplay eyepatch.”

And then the door swung shut behind him.

.

It began with a few texts, like the sun just rising from the horizon, the world is waiting for you, come on, wake up, wake _up_.

Time was relative, time was subjective. Humans usually felt as if time passed them by too fast for them to breathe, and wished for everything to slow down for once.

For Len, however, four months felt like four months too long.

The blond rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet as he scrolled through the music library of his phone—Gumi had snatched it from him one day and copied _3.15GB worth of songs_ into his _4GB memory card_ , that little sneak—before he stilled, realizing he probably looked like an overly-eager moron.

University wasn’t as daunting as it’d seemed at first. The school syllabus wasn’t at all difficult to keep up with—just as he’d thought a while back—and it was filled with wack-jobs much like and unlike Kaito at the same time. Case-in-point: Britain exchange student Oliver Dappleback.

Then again, Kaito was smart-dumb, while Oliver was pretty much full-throttle-dumb, he thought with the faint twitch of his lips.

Socializing, on the other hand, required more of his energy than he’d expected. With projects piling up left and right, Len had no choice but to forge new alliances with fellow students that seemed to talk _incessantly_ with no mute button in sight. He’d observed that bantering yielded fairly positive results thus far, so he kept at it, but _damn_ if it wasn’t exhausting.

According to Yohio, one of Oliver’s friends, the most common impression people had of him was a shy, sometimes witty boy who sat in the metaphorical corner.

_‘Shy’_ , of all things. Kaito would’ve outright dropped to the floor in a fit of cackles if he knew.

Even so, he _was_ trying his best, despite whatever Gumi had said about him looking incredibly constipated whenever his classmates approached him. The girl didn’t know what she was talking about—who would trust the word of someone who exploded the life sciences laboratory at least thrice in one semester and, ah, _loved the sound of murder_ in the morning?

Weird person, that one. What was it about him that attracted the crazies in _droves_?

Len checked for the time, casting a cursory glance at his surroundings, at the people who were rushing to places, heading from here to there and there to here, but when were they ever coming back _here_?

It was the 27th. They’d agreed to meet today, although Rin had been rather adamant on travelling to Osaka to meet him instead of the other way around. Something about wanting to take a look around the area, she’d claimed.

Last year on this day, he’d just started having terrible, pleasurable dreams about Rin. Their birthday had been the very _last_ thing on his mind, lost in the blur of needy gasps and guilty flushes.

This year, however, Len had remembered, but he didn’t want anything for his birthday—he didn’t even breathe a word about it to his newfound allies at Sankai.

Celebrating it with his sister was more than enough.

Assuming Rin had kept mum about their whole... ah, _relationship dynamic_ —which she would, considering that this was little miss perfect-but-not-really he was thinking about here—it was safe to say that no one else was aware of what had transpired over the course of their long pre-uni break. And—and slowly but surely, he was learning to move on from there.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love her anymore, oh no; god forbid his affections of at least _eighteen years_ of his life to fizzle out so quickly. The love was still there, stirring in his chest, lighting sparks under his skin, but—

It was something Rin would’ve expected him to do—and be proud of him for doing it.

Now that he mentioned his sister, she was actually running pretty late for their dinner meet-up. She was late, and Len had to admit, albeit grudgingly, that he was a little worried.

Maybe she was stuck in traffic, he reasoned. The trains were packed around this time of the day and the rush-hour crowds were massive. Maybe she got held up by a performance; she’d told him about the mini-concerts the students at Crypton held every Friday afternoon to showcase their talents.

Or maybe she was too busy hanging off the sleeve of someone new, someone far more exciting and handsome and wonderful than he—!

The blond breathed deeply, revelling in the sudden rush of air that filled his lungs, and closed his eyes. Counted to three, before letting the toxic thought die at the back of his mind.

_“I have faith in her.”_

Change was something all humans had to face, be it in romance, families, or just life in general. There was no point in running away, since time would let it catch up to you sooner or later. The best thing you could do was stand firm and _fix_ things.

The best person to do that was none other than yourself.

“Len!”

At the call of his name, the boy jerked slightly and opened his eyes. He turned, his gaze narrowing in on the petite figure pushing against the crowd and barrelling towards him at top speed.

_“A place can be engulfed in complete darkness, f’sure! But that doesn’t mean there was never any light.”_

Gumi’s words from one of her many ramblings echoed in his head, and he allowed the corners of his lips to quirk up, allowed his feet to carry him forward.

_“In a world awash with all sorts of awesome colours, wouldn’t it be a shame not to bask in the golden sunshine that encompasses them all?”_

The princess was perfect no longer, and the wolf was cowardly no more.

.  
.  
 **owari.**  
.  
.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **disclaimer:** i do not own Vocaloid, Demi Lovato’s _Two Pieces_ , or Selena Gomez’s _The Heart Wants What It Wants_.


End file.
